This post was most recently updated on August 25th, 2019
Have you ever wondered why most of the long-distance relationships are failing nowadays?
You might have experienced it from your own story or you might have learnt it from other’s similar cases. Undoubtedly, you are kind of a certain about the fact that most of the long-distance relationships (LDR’s) are doomed to fail.
Why does that happen? Why most of these relationships don’t end happily.
Likewise, are all long-distance relationships destined to fail?
Today in this article we will discuss about 9 reasons on why long-distance relationships don’t work.
Well, if you have never experienced any long-distance relationships in your life before, you will certainly lose your mind when you get to go through one.
Similarly, if she also hasn’t been in any kind of LDR, then you guys are definitely going to have some issues.
You guys start fighting over some basic issues and none of you knows how to tackle this thing.
Because you have never been in this kind of situation before.
If one of you had known about what to do to control the situation, the fight would have resolved easily. But, because of lack of experience, it grows more and more.
Inexperience leads to misunderstandings and misunderstanding leads to fight and eventually break up.
In that case, we can say that inexperience is one of the main reasons for why long-distance relationships don’t work.
Lack of Physical Intimacy
You might say, “I have never had sex with my partner, so it doesn’t matter to me about physical intimacy, and if it doesn’t matter to me, why is my long-distance relationship failing?”
My dear friend, physical intimacy isn’t all about sex.
You haven’t had sex with her but I am sure you have cuddled together. If not cuddling, then I can certainly say you have at least kissed each other.
You haven’t kissed her too?
For God’s sake, have you hugged each other? Or hold her hands at least?
You have done that right?
Holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling and having sex are all parts of physical intimacy.
When you are in a long-distance relationship with your partner, these things become inaccessible to you.
At a point, you start thinking, “If not her then there is always someone else”.
Obviously, this is an end of your relationship. I don’t think I have to explain it any further. So let’s move to our next reason for why long-distance relationships don’t work as expected.
As we discussed in the above topic, you tend to cheat on your partner when you lack physical closeness. Without a doubt, when you couldn’t get physical intimacy from your partner, you start seeking it from someone else.
Some of the people control themselves and don’t let the infidelity win. They stay committed towards their other halves.
They always try best ways to save their failing relationship.
But, for most of the people controlling themselves become way harder than their capacity.
As a result, your unfaithfulness leads to the break-up of your relationship.
You know what I think.
If you cheat on her intentionally and put the blame on the long-distance relationship, then you are just a cheater and nothing else.
Nobody wants to get separated from their loved ones, but unfortunately, because of some reasons, they have to.
The reason could be work, study, business or something else.
Let’s suppose you have gone to Australia for your higher studies. As an international student myself, I can totally understand how hard it is to be a student in a foreign country. You have to balance your work with your studies and it’s tiresome. Time management is so hard.
Are we forgetting something?
Oh yes, your love life.
You are barely being able to manage your studies and work, and meanwhile, you have to reserve time for your girlfriend too.
Work – Studies – Girlfriend?
Studies – Work – Girlfriend?
Girlfriend – Studies – Work?
It’s so hard to choose and manage the priorities, isn’t it?
In this scenario, two things can happen:
- You make your girlfriend your first priority and leave your studies and work behind.
- You put your work and studies in the first priority and leave your girlfriend behind.
Why did you go to Australia in the first place?
- To read and work.
What would your parents want from you?
- College degree and work.
Do you want to get deported for not going to college?
- Of course you wouldn’t want.
In this fight with setting priorities, most of the people choose the scenario number 2, i.e put their work and studies as the first priority and break up with their partner.
This is how priorities lead to a long-distance relationship to fail.
You can still manage all three things together and keep your love life alive, but hey making this world a better place to live by prioritizing the love is just overrated, isn’t it?
Well, again, it’s not a cup of tea for everyone to stay committed.
You used to talk to your girlfriend 24 hours a day when you were together.
I know-I know, talking 24 hours a day isn’t literally possible but you understand what I mean.
Whether it’s face to face, video call, phone call or texting, there was constant communication happening between you two.
You would share every tiny information with each other.
Whether it’s about her best friend’s nail polish colour or your grandparent’s marriage anniversary, both of you were up to date with each other’s daily news.
However, when you guys get separated by the distance, the frequency of news sharing becomes lesser day by day.
Usually, the following things happen:
- Phone calls become expensive.
- You would be busy with work and studies.
- You won’t have enough time to spend on chatting and texting.
- When you are free, she mightn’t be available and when she is free you might be busy.
You guys were frequently communicating with each other and now, you are barely talking. This gives each other a feeling like the relationship isn’t going to last long and consequently, you guys break up.
Time management becomes hard
Suppose you are in Australia and your girlfriend is in Nepal.
Do you know that Australia’s time zone is 4 hours ahead of Nepal’s time zone?
That means when it is 8:00 pm in Australia, it is past 12:00 am in Nepal.
Usually, 8:00 pm is the time when you come back to your room from studies/work.
Unless you have night classes or night work.
After coming to the room you generally do the following things:
- Take a bath
- Prepare food
- Eat food
- Finish some other works
- And then, go to sleep.
Before going to sleep, you might want to talk to your girlfriend. You look at the watch and it’s 10 pm.
Now, let’s do the calculations.
When it’s 10 pm in Australia, it’s 2 am in Nepal.
For a few weeks or we can also say months, your girlfriend will stay awake till 2 am. Because “Love” you know. She can’t sleep till she gives you her goodnight kiss. Via phone obviously.
After some time, that “waking up till 2 am” kinda stuff slowly starts fading away.
It’s hard to wake up till 2 am, you know.
It’s not just a matter of a day, it’s a matter of months and years.
She can’t give continuity to that thing when she has a college tomorrow early in the morning.
Moreover, it’s just a basic concept.
Here are other things that happen:
- Weekends are different.
- Work + Study don’t give you leisure time.
- You make plans but something always comes up.
- Sometimes you have to cut the phone in the middle of the conversation because your boss calls.
All these things make you anxious and you put your anger in your relationship. Time management becomes hard and that indeed leads to the failure of your long-distance relationship.
Keep your hands in your heart and tell me one thing frankly, how insecure do you become with your relationship when you go far from her?
You might say, “I don’t”, but I know that you do.
Even when you were together, you were always afraid about someone coming to your life and taking her away from you.
Now you are miles away from her. You start getting insecure over normal basic things too.
You try so hard not to be, but insecurity doesn’t leave you.
Let’s break this down and make it simpler.
Suppose “she sends you a photo and asks you how she is looking”.
Nah, there is no fun in that. Let’s put some extra flavour to it.
Suppose she sends you a photo with “a guy” and asks you how she is looking.
I can 100% guarantee that your answer would be, “Who is that guy”?
Wait, she asked you a question and you are replying her with another question.
Well, that’s not fair and well, that’s what insecurity is.
That guy could be her cousin brother or some friend from her college.
But you can’t see her with anyone else.
She went on a tour with her friends and sends you some photos. Now, there is a guy sitting beside her in every photo.
You: Who is that guy?
She: A friend of mine from class.
You: Why is he sitting beside you in every photo?
She: It’s just a coincidence.
You: It’s not a coincidence. I know that guy likes you and is trying to be closer with you. I don’t want you to talk to him. Block his number and block him from social media.
She: Why? He is just a friend and nothing more.
You: Ok you either talk to him or talk to me.
You have done that right? See, this conversation is so familiar, isn’t it?
Trust me, I have been there too.
You become insecure and insecurity leads to fights. If not handled properly, insecurity becomes the reason for the long-distance relationship to fail.
Bitterness in voice
“Can you please come soon today from work so that we could talk? It’s been so long we haven’t talked properly”, She asks.
“You know I can’t do that”, you replied.
She: You always say that. You don’t want to talk to me that’s why you always make excuses.
You: Why don’t you try to understand? How many times do I have to tell you that my work is important?
She: You always value your work more than me. I wonder if you love me more or your work.
You: Are you for serious? You won’t die if we don’t talk today. I am busy. I can’t talk right now. Bye.
Are you grasping what’s happening here?
Unfortunately, it’s the truth. This happens a lot in a long-distance relationship.
The bitterness in your voice, and the vulgarity in your words just keep increasing day by day.
You think she doesn’t try to understand and she thinks you don’t love her anymore.
Moreover, you are not even talking to her properly. In this case, break up is inevitable.
When your voice tone is changed, your long-distance relationship won’t work.
My roommate used to ask his girlfriend to send a photo every time she said she was out. They were in a long-distance relationship.
When she said, she was in the market; he wanted a photo of proof.
She used to send a photo but she also used to ask, “Don’t you trust me?”
Every time when she was out of her house he wanted a photo of proof. For a few months, she kept sending photos, but after than she stopped.
She started thinking that he doesn’t trust me.
He started thinking that she is with someone else.
Unquestionably, they broke up.
When you are in a long-distance relationship, you start becoming more concerned.
Indeed, concerning is a good thing, but when your concern comes with trust issues, your long-distance relationship is doomed to fail.
You just read 9 factors for why long-distance relationships don’t work. What do you think?
Did I explain them enough or did I forget something to write?
Tell me your views in the comment section below.
In simple terms, a long-distance relationship doesn’t work, because you don’t give your 100% to make it work.
Also, sometimes they don’t work for not knowing the proper ways to save it.
In that case here are 6 proven ways to make a long-distance relationship work in 2019.
If love matters then distance shouldn’t.
I wish you all the best for your long-distance relationship.
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